What Are the 5 Love Languages? Do Relationships Depend on Them?
What are the 5 love languages and what is the importance of understanding how a person expresses love?
In relationships, people tend to express love to a partner in the way they would personally most like to receive it.
It’s common in a relationship for people not to know how the other person wants to be loved. However, do you know how you want to be loved?
This is where the 5 love languages quiz can come in handy. Not only is it a way to understand your partner, but it’s also a step in becoming more self-aware and finding out what values are most important to you.
Love languages are often overlooked in relationships, when in reality understanding how someone gives and receives love is key to creating a healthy relationship.
Some partners are fortunate enough to have their love languages match up, while others have to work harder at understanding their significant other.
If you’d prefer to listen to this topic as a guide, we have an entire podcast episode titled, why love languages are important where we break down the 5 love languages even further.
The Origins of the 5 Love Languages
If you don’t know what love languages are, chances are you’ve never taken the quiz. Prior to the well-known online quiz, the concept of love languages originated with a book by Gary Chapman that was published in 1992. This book breaks down the different styles in which romantic partners express and experience love.
The ever-so-popular concept has since been adapted into a test that you can complete online to find out what your own love languages are and which ones you prioritize more. It’s an interesting glimpse into yourself and it’s beneficial to compare how you rank in comparison to your partner. For couples, this quiz offers an insightful way to get to know one another.
To break it down even further, the quiz has you answer questions about yourself and the behaviors of your potential partner such as “It’s more meaningful to me when I can spend alone time with my partner” vs “It’s more meaningful to me when my partner does something practical to help me out.”
The quiz then ranks your answers in a points system with different percentages for the five different types of love languages.
Why Are Love Languages Important?
Love languages are a non-traditional concept that enhances self-discovery. It’s not exactly traditional to speak about compatibility from the standpoint of either you are or you’re not. Acknowledging that there are different love languages means you acknowledge that there is room to improve and to become enlightened. We like to consider this being non-traditional and progressive in your thinking.
That’s where love languages come into play. You either express love in a similar way to your partner, or you’re able to recognize that your partner expresses love differently than you and you make the effort to speak that language to them. Confused? Don’t worry, we’re getting there!
Love Language 1: Quality Time
Quality time is one of the most common love languages out of the five. Folks with this love language express love by valuing uninterrupted time with their partner.
If This Is You:
If this is your love language, you’ll recognize that spending time with your partner is about paying attention to each other, sharing something meaningful together while communicating and actively listening.
If This Is Them:
If this is your partner’s love language, they’ll want your full attention when spending time together. That means putting your phone away! Your partner will appreciate you inviting them to run errands with you, going for a drive together, going for walks together, or just sitting on the couch chatting.
What Does Quality Time Look Like?
- Undivided attention
- Active listening
- Eye contact
- Stimulating conversations
- No outside distractions during the time spent
- Sharing experiences or activities
Love Language 2: Words of Affirmation
If your partner’s primary love language is words of affirmation, you can make them feel loved by showing encouragement, empathizing with your partner, as well as telling them how much you appreciate them. Words of affirmation also include compliments on physical appearance.
If This Is You
If you’re someone who appreciates the importance of words and expresses love verbally, you will recognize the significance of handwritten cards, letters, encouraging words, and compliments. You won’t appreciate harsh words that are forms of undue criticism. Instead, you welcome constructive criticism and for someone to recognize that you made an effort at something.
If This Is Them
Words hold a high value for people with this love language, so choose them wisely. What you say, whether positive or negative, will leave a long-lasting impression. For individuals who thrive off words of affirmation, verbal displays of affection and validation are often the preferred form of intimacy.
What Do Words of Affirmation Look Like?
- Compliments
- Verbal encouragements
- Positive reinforcement
- Words of appreciation
- Empathy
- Commendation for a job well done
- An unexpected, thoughtful text message or letter
Love Language 3: Physical Touch
The definition of physical touch is exactly what it sounds like. People who speak this love language thrive off any type of non-verbal affection. This includes physical touch that is not necessarily sexual in nature.
If This Is You
If you’re someone who communicates love with physical touch, then you’ll know that non-verbal cues and body language are so important when emphasizing love.
If This Is Them
Ways to communicate love to your partner who appreciates physical touch are regular hugging, kissing, and holding hands. If you can be intentional about finding ways to express your love by using physical touch, all the better Chapman says. People who speak this love language tend to feel less loved by their partner if they are neglected physically, going through long periods without intimacy, or coldly receiving affecting.
What Does Physical Touch Look Like?
- Holding hands
- Kissing
- Hugging
- Massages
- Touching arms or hands during a conversation
- Cuddling
- Pats on the back
- Frequent displays of physical affection
Love Language 4: Receiving Gifts
The least common of the love languages (only by a small margin) is receiving gifts. Of the five, this one, in particular, gets a bad reputation. However, don’t be fooled into thinking this love language stands for materialism. This love language is less about the monetary value spent and more about the thoughtfulness behind it.
If This Is You
If you are someone who’s love language is receiving gifts, you will recognize the importance of the intention and gesture behind the gift. No gift is ever too small for you and you express gratitude in a big way. If your partner forgets to buy you a gift for a special occasion or is unenthusiastic about getting you a gift, you will feel uncared for.
If This Is Them
If receiving a gift makes your partner feel loved, it doesn’t mean they are superficial or materialistic. Rather, it means that this individual is moved by the thought or effort put into choosing the gift as well as the time spent organizing it. Giving your partner a gift shows them that you are making them a priority. Forgetting about their birthday, for example, will lead them to feel unloved.
What Does Receiving Gifts Look Like?
- Thoughtful surprises
- Meaningful gifts
- Attentive gestures
- Expressing gratitude when receiving a gift
Love Language 5: Acts of Service
This love language refers to the burden of responsibility being taken off one person by another in the relationship. Phrases like, “I’ll help you with ___” shows that you’re both a team.
If This Is You
If you express love to your partner by providing them with acts of service, this means that you appreciate it being reciprocated. You will expect your partner to go out of their way to alleviate workload pressures from you such as doing chores together or helping out with decision-making.
If This Is Them
If your partner’s preferred way to receive love is acts of service, going out of your way to lighten the workload for them is how to communicate your love. Over-commitment of tasks and not seeing them through, constantly forgetting, or ignoring their needs are definitely things to avoid.
If you’re stumped as to what your partner needs, Chapman suggests asking your partner to give you ideas as to what they’d like you to do in order to make their life easier.
What Do Acts of Service Look Like?
- Doing chores
- Going grocery shopping
- Sending thank-you notes
- Cooking
- Fixing things around the house
- Taking the dog for a walk
- Washing the car
- Scheduling appointments
- Paying a bill before your partner gets to it
- Making a daily schedule
How Do I Apply the Love Languages to Dating?
Love languages are a useful communication tool to help us better understand ourselves and other people. It’s crucial for any relationship to remain healthy and to communicate effectively. The love languages are a fantastic way to kickstart this essential communication.
A healthy relationship requires effective communication, respect, and support. Understanding how your partner wants to be loved and receive attention is a lot more powerful than assuming you both communicate love the same.
It’s important to note that two people with different love languages can have a successful relationship, but only if both parties are able to recognize that their partner wants to be loved in a different way than they do. They have to be willing to express love in that way.
Having compatibility discussions with your partner and being open-minded will only make a relationship stronger. Compatibility in general is a major a key factor in any relationship and the love language test is a really interesting way to facilitate that conversation.
So whether it’s uninterrupted time together, gifts, holding hands more, cooking, or compliments, the love languages quiz can be a great starting point in discovering more about yourself and your partner.
What are the 5 love languages?
- Words of Affirmation
- Physical Touch
- Quality Time
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
For more discussions like this, check out our podcast, shifting her experience (she.) on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts. We release new episodes every Tuesday.
For similar blog posts like this, check out our article titled,
Emotional Maturity = Healthy Relationships.
Tiana & Sophie from
shifting her experience.
