60 Examples of Inequality In a Relationship

Equality in a relationship is more than just the division of responsibilities. It can manifest in emotional, physical, and even sexual communication between two people.

Inequality can exist in a relationship but disguise itself as mundane relationship disputes. Many couples experience inequalities in their relationship but don’t recognize them as actual injustices.

If you prefer to listen to this topic, we have an entire podcast episode titled, signs of inequality in a relationship.

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The importance of equality in a relationship refers to both parties feeling heard, respected, and knowing that they have a voice.

Even if you’re currently single, you can probably reflect back and remember a time when you noticed inequality in a relationship, or only notice it now in hindsight.

We’re going to outline eight signs of inequality in a relationship, and several examples of the way in which these inequalities present themselves.

Signs of Inequality in Decision-Making

When one person doesn’t participate in the decision-making or is intentionally left out of decision-making, this is a definite sign of inequality and can be seen early on in relationships with subtle clues.

An obvious presentation of this form of inequality is when the same person always puts in the effort to make plans with the other. As time progresses, this inequality can escalate into a bigger problem.

Here are some examples of the ways inequality in decision-making can present itself in a relationship:

1. One person is always picking the place to go out
2. One person is deciding where to go on vacation
3. One person has the final say on major life events
4. One person decides how finances are handled
5. One person decides how you both spend your free time
6. One person has to ask the other for permission but the same isn’t expected in return
7. One person doesn’t want the responsibility of making decisions
8. One person avoids making decisions

It can be the case that one person doesn’t want to have the responsibility of decision-making and therefore leaves it all up to the other person consistently. Which is not healthy either.

A relationship is a partnership. Feeling like you’re left to decide everything on your own can put a lot of pressure on a person.

Let’s remember that one of you is not the parent and the other one is not the child — you’re both adults.

If you’re in a relationship with someone who has a tendency to always say, “You decide” it may make you feel a bit like you’re the only adult calling all the shots. Therefore, seeing your partner as less of an equal.

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Signs of Inequality in Contributions

Every relationship will define this differently and what works best for them as a couple. However, we say contributions because this can encompass housework, finances, parenting, and even what we mentioned above, decision-making.

It’s important that there is this expectation of both parties to put in an equal, shared amount into the relationship. Oftentimes, contributions in a relationship can be an uneven balance with responsibilities and decision-making automatically falling to one person.

You can find a brilliantly illustrated depiction of the gender wars that take place in the household in The Mental Load: A Feminist Comic which uses cartoons and a little humor to portray married life and the assumed gender roles.

Of course, how you and your partner decide to divide up the responsibilities is between the two of you but when one person takes no initiative to contribute but instead says things like, “You could have told me that you needed help” or “I don’t know what needs to be done around here because you do everything!” This is not a joint effort. This is called being dependent.

Here are some of the ways in which the burden of contributions can fall on one person:

1. The responsibility of the home falls all on one person
2. One person does all the housework
3. One person takes care of all the finances
4. One person cares for the children
5. One person is expected to do all of the above

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Signs of Inequality in Sex

Sex should be a conversation where both you and your partner feel like you have an equal say. If only one person is being fulfilled sexually in a relationship this leads to obvious disappointment over time.

We see this a lot in heterosexual relationships, where the rules for sex are often set by the man. For example, the notion of sex being done when the man reaches orgasm. This often leads to an unequal balance in both power and fulfillment.

We like to bring in the LGBTQ+ perspective as much as we can in our articles because we are a gay couple. So, in terms of same-sex relationships, in our experience, sex is a lot more balanced when it comes to equality. As two women, sex is ultimately different. There are no assumed gender roles. There is no expectation of when sex should begin or end. In that sense, it’s more mutual. The definition of sex varies with LGBTQ+ couples, where you’re more likely to explore sex in a variety of different ways.

But that’s not to say that inequality never exists between two same-sex partners, of course, it can.

In any romantic relationship, if one person always decides when sex happens, this is a form of sexual inequality. Even if one individual is more submissive, that should be because you’ve discussed and agreed on that.

Some tangible examples of sexual inequality include:

1. One person decides when sex happens
2. One person controls when sex finishes
3. Only one person is being sexually fulfilled
4. One person doesn’t feel comfortable discussing sex with their partner
5. One person is expected to reach orgasm with minimal to no effort
6. One person’s boundaries are not being respected in the bedroom
7. One person feels pressured
8. One person feels guilty for saying no
9. One person is being manipulated sexually
10. Not checking in with how the other is feeling about or during sex
11. Not discussing sex at all

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Signs of Inequality Within Individual Needs

If you notice that in your relationship one person’s needs are prioritized over the other’s, this is a distinct sign of inequality.

We often hear of the term “needs” in a relationship brought up when refereeing to sex. However, individual needs in a relationship exist outside of sex as well. These can be affectionate needs, emotional needs, and mental needs.

When you’re in a relationship, there are times when you may need to compromise. But that shouldn’t mean that one person’s needs are always more important.

Here are some of the ways in which inequality in a relationship presents itself in terms of individual needs:

1. Not receiving the desired amount of affection
2. Avoiding important conversations
3. Not communicating love in the way a significant other best receives it
4. Inability to express your needs to your partner
5. Prioritizing your partner’s needs over your own
6. Dismissing the other person’s needs altogether

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Signs of Inequality in Effort

When a relationship is fresh, oftentimes both people put in the effort to keep the relationship exciting. However, as time progresses, many couples start to see an imbalance of who is making the effort in regards to romance and maintaining a healthy relationship.

Ask yourself these questions or think about how your partner would respond — “Am I showing up for my partner?” “Am I making them feel special?” “Am I putting in the effort to maintain a healthy relationship?”

Some of the ways in which couples experience inequality when it comes to making an effort are as follows:

1. One person is always planning dates
2. One person takes charge of all the romance
3. One person is always coming up with ideas for things to do together
4. One person is a more attentive listener
5. One person checks in with the other more often
6. Only one person makes an effort to hang out with the other’s friends
7. Only one person plans for long-term future
8. Only one person is initiating important conversations
9. Only one person asks how the other’s day went
10. One person excludes the other in their day

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Signs of Inequality in Emotional Maturity

Another example of inequality in a relationship is when one person is more mature emotionally and mentally.

If one person is more emotionally mature than the other, this can lead to a lot of friction between partners.

Emotional maturity is the ability to handle situations without unnecessarily escalating them. So, instead of seeking to blame their partner for their problems or behavior, emotionally mature people seek to fix the problem or behavior.

For example, if one person has life goals and a vision for the future, and the other lacks direction, this can cause one person to feel like they are responsible for fixing everything for their partner as well.

Some of the ways in which emotional immaturity are displayed in relationships include:

1. Not being self-aware
2. Blaming the other person for everything
3. Not being able to spend time alone
4. Not being able to be vulnerable
5. Never taking conversations seriously
6. Dismissing the other person’s perspective
7. Constantly lying in difficult situations
8. Struggling to talk about your feelings
9. Allowing your partner to carry all the burdens
10. Expecting your partner to be responsible for your happiness

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Signs of Inequality in Accountability

Similar to our point above, accountability is your willingness to recognize your responsibilities and where you may have fallen short.

In romantic relationships, you have to be accountable for your actions and recognize that you’re building something with this person. Relationships should never be a blame game.

Accountability can become an unequal characteristic when individuals are expressing these types of behaviors:

1. Not apologizing when you’ve done something wrong
2. Having an “everything happens to me” attitude
3. Criticizing your partner but not wanting to hear criticism back
4. Not listening to understand your partner
5. Avoiding responsibility

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Signs of Inequality in Assertiveness

If one person struggles with assertiveness and the other person holds all the power and control in a relationship, this is an obvious sign of inequality.

Sometimes it can be difficult for a person to be assertive. Some people are more vocally confident than others and therefore, more naturally assertive.
So giving your partner a safe space to be assertive is essential.

Some of the ways in which the inequality of assertiveness can appear in a relationship include:

1. Not being able to stand up for yourself
2. Feeling like you don’t have a voice
3. Failure to use a respectful tone during arguments
4. Being put down for expressing emotions
5. Not valuing your partner’s input

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Final Thoughts

In any relationship whether romantic or platonic, communication, respect, and equality are so important in allowing each party to feel heard, seen, and overall respected.

Without these aspects in a relationship, it’s easy to lose sight of yourself and who you are. Respect in a relationship means that you’re seeing the other person as an equal and everyone deserves to feel that.

What are some signs of inequality?

- One person makes all the decisions
- One person contributes more
- Only one person is being fulfilled sexually
- One person is more emotionally mature
- One person puts in more effort
- One person doesn’t take responsibility
- One person lacks assertiveness

For more discussions, check out our podcast, shifting her experience (she.) on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. We release new episodes every Tuesday.

If you want to read more articles like this, check out our blog!

Tiana & Sophie from
shifting her experience.